Developing Self-Awareness – where to start?

I took part in the Highly Relational podcast earlier in the year and Robert (the podcast facilitator) asked me “what is the one thing you want people listening to this podcast to take away?” My response to this was “well, if you think you are self-aware you probably aren’t and that developing it is a life-times work”; he then asked me “so what is one thing we can start doing to develop self-awareness?”   After you have got to grips with what self-awareness is (see my earlier posts) the one thing you can start doing immediately is to develop a mindset of motivation, interest, and curiosity to develop self-awareness. Start by posing yourself some questions about self, for example, “why am I behaving in the way I am? Or what is driving my need to be competent? Or why is fairness so important to me? Etc.”

In addition, I find using the components of the self-awareness construct as a checklist a helpful starting point in terms of identifying what aspects of self-awareness I want and need to work on. The components are often interlinked and exploring one will often provide some insight and development for one of the others. The components are as follows:

The Interpersonal Components

1. Perception of Others: How others receive, perceive, and experience us.
2. Behaviours: What are our behaviours (words, tone, body language etc) which others see?

The Intrapersonal Components

1. Beliefs and Values: BELIEFS – tend to be deeply personal, are often generalizations and have often been formed in our early years.  They can be helpful or limiting in nature. VALUES refer to those things we attach importance to, which inform our decisions, choices, and actions.
2. Strengths and Weaknesses: What are our strengths and weaknesses.  Personality traits fall within this component.
3. Motivations: What are our needs and motivations (at home and at work), and where might these stem from (they might be linked to self-worth, values and beliefs, personal history, or current situation).
4. Internal Mental State: This is about understanding our feelings, emotions, and cognitions – these are of course linked together.
5. Physiological Responses: In the current environment it is far easier to stay in the cognitive space and forget what is going on in our body.  However, identifying how our body is responding in any one given situation or context can give us a new level of awareness.

Having identified the “what” you focus on in terms of developing self-awareness the next stage is how to develop it.  Moving to the “how” in terms of personal development is a very individual decision, and an awareness of learning and personal preferences in terms of development is helpful. What is important to acknowledge is that there is no quick win, or shortcut to this work – instead it is likely to be an iterative proves with the self-awareness developing through a combination of activities and interventions. However, what is important is to do these activities with purpose having first identified what components or outputs (e.g self-acceptance) of self-awareness you wish to develop.

The jigsaw figure illustrates that a variety of activities support the development of self-awareness, there are of course other methods which might be added to this diagram, for example, mindfulness, therapy, yoga, a silent retreat, a lifetime adventure, or a life event to name a few.

In terms of taking a proactive next step to develop your self-awareness here are a few reflective questions:

• Which of the self-awareness components would benefit from attention to support your development and self-connection?
• What is the question about ‘self’ you are most avoiding reflecting on?
• What are you avoiding or neglecting tackling in terms of self and self-awareness?
• What would support you in developing self-acceptance?
• What does your mind, body, and soul need?
• What non-professional activities (e.g. learning a foreign language or cooking or fitness etc) might support you in developing your self-awareness?